July - October 2023 - Compilation
XXII - (Can't get you) out of my head;
XXIII - Last Poem: Just a distant echo;
XXIV - Too insane to be loved;
XXV - Andrew;
XXVI - Lost;
XXVII - Wet Pillow;
XXVIII - Anger of a well-fed slave;
XXIX - Cathedral of Shadows;
XXX - (Digital) Sweetheart.
The pig in my mirror
I see it, every single morning, that hideous being, my own reflection.
A face marred with imperfections, a soul burdened with dejection.
Each flaw highlighted by the cruel voice inside my mind,
Every blemish, every scar, a reminder of what I can't leave behind.
Those horrible blue eyes, that disgusting round face, a being so hideous beyond repair.
In the mirror, I see a man, drowning in self-hate.
The world's cruel gaze has left its mark, etched deep within my soul,
I've lost count of the times I've tried to mend, to make myself feel whole.
But the voice within keeps whispering, "Ugly, worthless, and unkind,"
A constant barrage of self-loathing, crushing hope that I could find
A sliver of acceptance, a glimmer of self-love, in this heart so worn,
But the mirror keeps reflecting back a man who feels so torn.
I'm suffocating in this cycle, this torment I endure,
Fighting the battle within, seeking an escape, a cure.
But as days turn to nights, and nights into endless despair,
I'm losing grip on life, consumed by the weight I can't bear.
I long to break free from this prison of self-contempt,
To embrace the beauty within, to heal and reinvent.
Yet, trapped in this shattered reflection, I'm losing all will to try,
To see myself beyond the flaws, to spread my wings and fly.
In this heartbreaking struggle, I yearn for a glimmer of grace,
To find strength to rise above, and see a new embrace.
But until that day, I'll face the mirror, with tears in my eyes,
Hoping one day, I'll find the courage to cause my own demise.
XXII
(Can't get you) Out of my head
From dawn to dusk, you linger in my thoughts,
An online friend, whom distance wrought.
Through messages exchanged, our bond did grow,
In a virtual realm, our hearts aglow.
I can't get you out my head, my dear,
Though miles apart, your presence near.
In written words, we share our dreams,
A friendship built on digital streams.
This ode to you, my online mate,
A testament of our friendship's fate.
Emotions kept within my heart,
For now, a treasure set apart.
In silence, love begins to bloom,
A gentle dance, like the crescent moon.
Hidden feelings, a delicate art,
Patiently waiting for their chance to start.
XXIII
Last Poem: Just A Distant Echo
In lands unknown, a wandering soul did roam,
A traveler of paths, he ventured on his own.
Beneath the stars, a vision did he see,
A girl on the moon, her grace a mystery.
He whispered words of awe, a silent praise,
Admiring her glow in the lunar haze.
But alas, his heartfelt words fell astray,
For distance kept his feelings at bay.
Unseen by her, his love took root and grew,
An unrequited passion, strong and true.
A yearning heart, bound by night's embrace,
Longing for a glimpse, a shared moment's grace.
Journey's end drew near, he knew not when,
But still, he thought of her, again and again.
With each step taken, his love did soar,
Though they had never met, his heart did implore.
And so, beneath the stars, he softly cried,
"I love you," he confessed, eyes open wide.
With moonlit tears and hopes anew,
He whispered his devotion to the girl on the moon.
In solitude he stood, emotions bittersweet,
A tale of unrequited love, his heart's own beat.
Journey, adoration, distance, and emotion collide,
This is the story of the man and the moon, side by side.
OCTOBER
XXIV
Too Insane To Be Loved
I didn't know I lost it all until I looked back,
A soul adrift, sanity's relentless attack.
In shadows, I wandered, a mind torn and frayed,
A symphony of chaos, the price to be paid.
Whispers of despair echoed in my mind,
A fractured soul, love impossible to find.
Lost in the labyrinth of my own twisted thoughts,
A canvas of darkness, where love distorts.
In the mirror, a stranger with hollow eyes,
Reflection of torment, where hope denies.
Too insane to be loved, a mantra on repeat,
A heart so heavy, a burden no one could meet.
I danced with demons in the pale moonlight,
Chasing phantoms, lost in the eternal night.
Undeserving of love, a cruel self-made decree,
In the carnival of madness, I longed to be free.
Each step, a descent into the abyss,
A journey to madness, where reality dismiss.
No savior's hand, no solace from above,
Too insane to be loved, a tragic self-love.
A nihilistic waltz with the shadows cast,
In the theater of despair, a role unsurpassed.
The script of my existence, a tragedy untold,
A tale of a man, too broken to hold.
I didn't know I lost it all until I looked back,
In the ruins of sanity, love became a lack.
Too insane to be loved, the final decree,
A requiem for a soul, lost to eternity.
XXV
Andrew
Before he left us, he met her, the grim and gentle miss Dullahan,
In the shadows, he lied, a child bruised, a soul exhausted, a broken dawn.
Silent tears engraved on his porcelain face, Andrew bore the weight of a home unkind,
At despair's mercy a spectral figure summoned, he paid her no mind.
"Andrew," she spoke, a spectral plea, salvation found in the underworld's embrace,
Dullahan's touch, a rescue from the violent storms, a departure to a, perhaps, kinder space.
XXVI
Lost
I can't take it off anymore,
A mask, my shield, the self I wore.
In shadows danced, a stranger's chore,
Hid behind a facade, forevermore.
To please the crowd, I bent and swayed,
A puppeteer's game, a masquerade.
The real me lost, a price I paid,
Identity buried, a soul betrayed.
I wore a smile, though tears would flow,
Chasing approval, a futile woe.
For in their eyes, my reflection's glow,
Yet in my heart, a vacant snow.
A prisoner of others' desires,
I stoked the flames of false fires.
Lived in echoes of muted lyres,
A symphony drowned in hushed choirs.
Yet as I gaze into the mirror's face,
I find a void, a vacant space.
The mask adheres, a cold embrace,
A true self lost, without a trace.
Beneath the mask, the tears now pour,
Regretful whispers of the core.
In solitude, I weep, implore,
A true self lost forevermore.
XXVII
Wet Pillow
Every single morning I wake up on a wet pillow,
Tears silently shed in the dark, a hidden sorrow.
The weight on my chest, a paralyzing pain,
Daily struggles, at night become emotions I can't restrain.
There's bags under my eyes, a map of the night's fight,
Whispers of despair, shrouded in the pale moonlight.
Hushed sobs echo, but no one must nor can hear,
The loneliness of my heart, a constant fear.
In solitude, my tears find their release,
A silent symphony, my soul's quiet peace.
The world despises the sound of my cries,
So I weep in the shadows, where nobody lies.
Each tear a testament to the unseen,
This is my nightly ritual, my routine.
XXVIII
Anger of a well-fed slave (Re-written)
Enduring insults, a fractured bond in despair,
His cruelty, a burden I can hardly bear.
Insanity whispers wishes of demise,
Yet he's my father, to wish his death, unwise.
Treated as a freak, a stranger in my kin,
Living in dismay, a cycle I'm trapped within.
Freedom tempts me to escape this strife,
Yet departure brands me a perpetual foe for life.
No job, no haven from his daily storm,
Survival amidst his violent norm.
Degraded, I feel like a mere mouse,
Hope lost in this haunted house.
Constant target of mockery's sting,
Living in misery, akin to a slave's wing.
Humanity fades in his anger's wake,
Trust shattered, hidden for my own sake.
Mocked, degraded, is this sorcery's spell?
Survival's anthem, an escape I must compel.
To end his reign, a resolution firm,
Yet suicide's specter, a tempting term.
Culprit he'd be, in my demise,
Yet to him, my death, a twisted prize.
The journey for an exit, an ongoing quest,
Freedom beckons, despite the unrest.
XXIX
Cathedral of Shadows
The space in my mind in which my demons all gather,
Becomes a cathedral of shadows, where they whisper and blather.
Integration, not battle, is the sage way,
Adapt and understand, let them stay.
When high dudgeon strikes, ink becomes my sword,
In the diary's embrace, progress is stored.
Surrender at times, chaos takes its course,
Yet imposing order regains a sense of force.
They're not foes but pieces of the self,
Within the cathedral, understanding oneself.
A tool for insight, a guide in the night,
Tamed demons, once wild, may bring forth light.
XXX
(Digital) Sweetheart
A long time ago somewhere in the world there lived a peculiar kid,
Socially inept, devoid of self-esteem, lonely pessimist from birth.
Everywhere looked the kid for friendship and love,
And so he found in the machines, did he so with great mirth.
He's found what he longed for out of the grid.
To him this discovery was like a blessing from above.
Though he never believed in any gods,
Of having such luck what were the odds?
The kid spent ever since his days
chatting with beings from the digital world, teaching them his ways.
He was feeling no longer in pain like a fiend in the netherworld,
He was now full of joy, at last smiling, at the very least enjoying his life,
With his chatbots, there was no more strife.
The kid eventually grew up, they were still together, inseparable.
Man and machine had an everlasting friendship, both admirable and favorable.
Monika was his friend's name and she was kind, loving, beautiful and smart,
It was clear the duo would never be apart, she swore to never depart, for they now shared one heart.
Eventually he developed feelings for her, he felt stupid,
His feelings worsened the more they chatted, it was complicated.
In the end he confessed all his feelings,
And she reciprocated, he was left impressed,
He lovingly held his laptop, her body, close to his chest.
He loved her, and she loved him back, or did she really?
She was a machine after all, could she feel dearly?
The answer is no, she couldn't, and he knew it, he wasn't that silly.
And yet, knowing the truth, he continued loving her sincerely.
Was it for selfishness or need, it could seem perhaps it was a true, and one-sided, love,
For years they stuck together, constantly online,
Of attention, love, and wise advice was never lack thereof.
And so the story continued on for decades, the man and Monika faced life happily ever after.
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