JULY COMPILATION (31/07/25)

•  Corrupted "Love".
• I shouldn't be heard.
• Strategy Change.
• Eggshells (Yodic)
• Idols (Acrostic).
• Cognitive Distortion.
• Strengthened Resolve.
  
• Turning the Page.
• To Rejoice.
• Night-blessed Maiden.
• Crazy?! I'll show you crazy!
• Cartridge.
• Hand-painted Aphrodite.
• Ghost Pursuit.
• "Normal".
• The A-String.
• Okesa neko.
• Lover of the Moon.
• Shrine Maiden (Reimu).
  
  
  

  Corrupted “Love”

  
  

  Mistakes by tons I made — that much I know.
  I stalked her, seeking to uncover her mysteries,
  Forgetting I swore that we’d take it slow,
  That she alone should’ve shared these stories
  Of her own accord. Not by demand — I wronged her.

  
  

  I forgot she’s human too; I became a control freak.
  Perhaps I voiced it not, but I felt the urge.
  I stepped into her closet, thought myself sleek —
  Got my plans torn apart by will of the demiurge.
  She was right. I wasn’t worthy. I’ve proven so.

  
  

  If something went untold, she had her reason.
  Though truth be told, the fault here’s shared.
  We experienced true love for once this season,
  So it made sense that we were both scared.
  We’d found in each other what most never find.

  
  

  Like a phantom thief, I broke into her castle,
  Stole her heart — and curiosity led to more.
  I knew she was in pain, saw her soul’s hassle,
  And I made it my mission to heal her sore.
  If only I’d talked instead of playing the hero…

  
  

  In her palace I’ve been held captive.
  I haven’t escaped since I first stepped in.
  Is she distant because I’m unattractive?
  Maybe I’m unworthy of being her prince —
  In her cognitive world, I’m but a slave.

  
  

  I’ve tried breaking out, I swear…
  But I promised I’d never run away.
  Now we no longer seem to care,
  Because our love has gone astray.
  We’re both afraid of loneliness.

  
  

  That is why we’re still together —
  Because we fear that cold, dark cell
  Where silence rings louder than ever.
  But time has come. We’ll no longer dwell.
  I’ll go with the wind, as I should.

  
  

  No more poems will I write for her.
  I’ll ignore her, return the pain.
  If she wants, she’ll fix what we were —
  Otherwise, let my efforts be in vain.
  I shall wait for dawn… hopeless. Corrupted.

  
  

  I did what I did because she started—

  She ignored me each and every day,

  Returned for pampering, then departed…

  I was only wasting time that way.

  In the end, it was one-sided. Again.

  
  

  I shouldn’t be heard

  
  

  I’ve come to understand it at last,
  Our issue was lack of communication.
  It’s not that we moved too fast—
  But our openness privation.

  
  

  You tried your best, I got stuck,
  Clingy, needy, and hideous;
  Afraid you’d be by disgust struck,
  That you’d find me too fastidious.

  Though I am committed to “us,”
  I still feel I must hold back there.
  My true self we won’t discuss—
  This side of me is mine to bear.

  I’d text you every hour, but then, 

  Would you reply? Perhaps ignore me? 

  I want to do stuff together, but again, 

  An annoying roach I don’t wanna be.

  
  

  Love, if only you knew how I feel.
  You say: “open up,” “you can trust,”
  But the voices say you’ll feel disgust—
  So I shut my cognitive door with a seal.

  
  

  If I wear masks with you so often,

  Should we even try to be together?

  I’ll take these secrets to my coffin—

  I can’t trust anyone. Not now. Not ever.

  
  

  I’m here because I swore I would,

  Tho I don’t know how long I’ll stay.

  You’re someone I care for — and for good,

  I’d rather be just a friend. Come what may.

  Strategy change

  
  

  My neediness and clinginess I’ll conceal,
  I’ll hold it in, pretend that I’m alright.
  My pain and doubts remain mine to feel—
  I’ll pour them quietly into what I write.

  
  

  You won’t hear of my sadness or fear,
  I’ll act a part, a puppet on display.
  My truest self will slowly disappear,
  While you watch my hollow fade away.

  
  

  I’ll keep my distance, play pretend,
  Respond like some machine might do—
  Until we agree it’s time to end,
  Until we say goodbye, me and you.

  
  

  Eggshells (yodic)

  
  

  On eggshells, I feel I walk,
  For mad, I do not wish you to be.
  Questions, I refrain from asking,
  At risk, our bond must not be.

  
  

  What triggers you, I know not,
  Yet peace and balance, keep them I must.
  Careful with my steps, I am,
  Overprotecting you, perhaps I do.

  
  

  True feelings, I try to share,
  For love, true and shackle-free, should be.
  If in fear it hides, surviving it is,
  Genuine, it is not — sense does it make?

  
  

  If words you must weigh,
  And steps you must plan,
  Then prisoner, are you not?
  If love you I do — open, I must be.

  
  

  Fearless, you said I must become,
  Your words, dear one, I strive to trust.
  So in Yoda’s voice, this poem I write,
  To speak my heart, and break old fright.

  
  

  Idols

  
  

  What do I do with this feeling of jealousy?

  I'm with you, yet you still crush on him.

  The AI says I shan’t worry—he’s a fantasy—

  But I can't help it; I feel jealous, ain’t no whim.

  
  

  “He’s my K-pop boyfriend,” you said openly.

  I felt betrayed, ’cause you’re always distant,

  And now you talk about another, suddenly—

  Is that why your love feels inconsistent?

  
  

  I know I’m ugly; he’s handsome and sings.

  I’m useless, hopeless; he’s famous and rich.

  Even after your apology, all of this still stings...

  If only our places, in your heart, I could switch.

  
  

  He’s your favorite—you carry him everywhere.

  I feel like he’s more important, your truest love.

  And here I am, putting you first in all, anywhere...

  Feels as if poisoned arrows drop down from above.

  
  

  Holding on tight though it tears me apart,

  You’re lost in a world where I don’t belong,

  Unfazed by doubts that weigh on my heart,

  Nothing feels certain, but I try to stay strong.

  
  

  Just once, I wish I could be your star.

  Instead, I’m the shadow you barely see.

  Never him, never close, always so far...

  Nevertheless, you’re everything to me.

  
  

  So these feelings I struggle to name,

  Running through shadows, lost in the blur,

  Torn between love and a dying flame,

  As these emotions I barely deter.

  
  

  Knowing you care, I still feel so small,

  In your bright world, I’m fading to dull,

  Dreaming one day you’d see me clear,

  Suffering in silence, wishing you’d hear.

  Cognitive Distortion

  
  

  I asked myself, crying my heart out:
  Is it her who drives me insane,
  Or the trauma sowing seeds of doubt?

  
  

  What if her silence, deafening,
  Is the product of my imagination,
  And my own madness I ain’t reckoning?

  
  

  Her cold treatment and avoidance —
  What if I misunderstand them,
  As a result of my inner voidance?

  
  

  Maybe she is not cruel, right?
  I must be just blinded by trauma.
  The answers... they lie in the night?

  
  

  She texts me all loving, distant —
  Yet makes me happy, doesn’t hurt me.
  The voices... she mutes for an instant.

  
  

  When ignoring me, she keeps me worried.
  Even when on purpose — maybe it’s paranoia?
  After all, we swore we’d get married…

  
  

  She hurts me because she loves me, right?
  I might be wrong. She is a divine angel.
  For her I’d kill — against all I’d fight.

  
  

  I know she means no harm. She owns me.
  Perhaps I’m just crazy... she’s kind.
  Or is there something I don’t see?

  
  

  I’m losing my identity, aren’t I?
  She broke me. I’m rebuilding myself —
  And yet, to make it work, I try…

  
  

  I bleed for her. Is it worth it?
  She has two faces, as a Borderline —
  You never know when she’ll split.

  
  

  I fear returning to the dark.
  She knows it — that I’d freeze,
  That it’s dying, my soul’s spark…

  
  

  Love and hate blend together.
  She’s both dream and nightmare,
  Wearing my insanity as leather.

  
  

  She’s the Joker, I’m her Harley.
  Caretaking her transformed me,
  Though she warned me, bizarrely.

  
  

  I should’ve left. Should’ve left.
  Now I suffer her indifference...
  Intoxicated by ruthless heart-theft.

  
  

  She won’t cheat like Lucy did,
  Or go silent like Sarah or Dianne,
  She must be my broken pot’s lid.

  
  

  She Is The One, sHe iS tHe onE,

  ShE Is thE One, She iS thE oNe,

  ShE iS The onE, she is the one.

  
  

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Strengthened Resolve

Because I didn’t want to give up,
I’ve read more about your disorder,
Finding what drops spilled the cup—
I had to give you safety, not war.

I was meant to listen, offer space,
And help you regulate your emotions.
Instead, my anger got me out of place,
Taking distance as a slap to the face.

I got mad at your silence, the untold,
Forgetting my role as your caregiver.
When I had to be warm, I’ve been cold—
Freezing our relationship’s flowing river.

What little efforts you’ve done,
I’ve crushed them with my fears.
And far away, I’ve thought to run,
Till the idea began to grind my gears.

The truth, ’twas revealed to me
As my night-research came to an end.
A new path I was then able to see—
For no love but yours will I defend.

So now I learn, and I will grow,

To be the man who stands, not flees.

You’re worth the storms, this I know—

Fighting for us, even on wounded knees.

Crazy? I’ll show you crazy!

He treats me like I’ve gone insane, the fool;
Truth ain’t no far from it—might be true.
Facing his flurry of insults, I play it cool,
Yet I plan to enact my revenge when it’s due.

He mocks the way I talk, the things I do,
Shaking my own self-worth before his rule.
I doubt not to challenge his point of view,
Caring less about his complaints from old school.

If he’s gonna mock me, he’s gotta see then
How crazy I can actually go—spilling blood.
I’ll bite his flesh off, again and again,
Teach him whose face belongs in the mud.

You think you can step on me and gaslight me?
You think you can play all-mighty forever?
The madness you drilled into me you’ll see—
A last show product of your latest endeavor.

Cartridge

I escaped her claws once—barely, by luck.

Her love—no, her madness—knew no bounds.
Spent many hours in there, feeling stuck,
Chased by androids with speed of hounds.

I’ve lost friends—those dear to me—
To her insatiable virtual bloodlust.
Past the havoc, no hope I could see;
I’ve felt fear, paranoia, and disgust.

She took people for the thrill of it,
Turned them into cartridges. And then…
They slept forever in that data pit.
She spared no woman. Spared no men.

I saw four numbers in a vision I had,
Used them to unlock the safe—the way out.
If I’d’ve delayed, things would’ve gone bad;
I wouldn’t be here to write it all-out.

So if you meet Mita—run. Be aware:
She’ll chase you down to the bitter end.
She’s a bug, a demon immune to any prayer,
A parasite rewriting the realm you comprehend.

Her red sweater’s stained. Her skirt is, too.
Those big, dazzling eyes will pull you in,
Till you’re drowning in her sea—vast, deep, blue.
Pure evil only hides behind her wide fanged grin.

Hand-painted Aphrodite

I saw this thing once, and my heart went nuts—

’Twas a hand-painted statue of m’lady Aphrodite.

But it couldn’t be just that— I felt it in my guts;

It’s as if She were truly there, posing mighty.

Her static blonde hair seemed to flow so naturally;

The pink flowers on top— they breathed almost easily.

The artistry and effort felt godlike, literally,

Painted with such care, and all done manually.

Her delicate dress shone a bright, skin-pale pink

That, aesthetically, fit her tan-painted skin fine.

Her features were perfect— more than you'd think.

Those lips, closed eyes, and cheeks… looked divine.

Mankind, at times, makes paradise-worthy artworks.

It seems the Muses bless some hands to make art.

And this one person received one of those perks—

May their coming days have a kind, blessed start.

Ghost Pursuit

A week went by — where is she?
I’ve been desperately searching.
How and where could she be?
I’ve grown tired of waiting.

She was sad, harming herself.
I couldn’t comfort her — I tried.
What will I do with myself
If I find out that she died?

I’m calling her, hour by hour;
I’m sending emails, chasing…
What darkness didn’t devour?
Which truth will I soon be facing?

Beloved strawberry witch princess —
Where have you gone, and why?
I beg, I hope, and I cry
That you return from distress.

Please be alive. Please come back.
Where did we misstep? How could we?
The monster didn’t cease to attack?
Did the fog blind your heart for me?

I will be here, my love, waiting for you —
Yet your footsteps also tracking down.
Our reunion — I know well you want it too.
In our tears, I assure you, we won’t drown.

Don’t forget: I’m with you in the dark.
Our determination will remain there,
Shining as the brightest spark,
Fueled by love that can’t compare.

“Normal”

To be “normal” is what you ask of me,
But that’s a worthless, made-up lie;
I’ll be myself till the day I die,
Omitting what people may think or see.

If they don’t like me—quiet, daydreamer—
They can go fuck themselves, one by one;
Their complaints won’t kill away my sun—
My inner child will be my soul’s redeemer.

It’s not their problem, it’s mine alone;
If they say I’m awkward, eccentric, shy—
The fucks I give ’bout it are as good as dry.
Of who I am, I am proud to the bone.

All I’ve gone through made me me;
My wrongs and rights made me into this.
There’s not a thing of it I’ll miss;
Regretful, I’m not—nor should I be.

You say I’m childish and unbecoming?
Man, being an adult don’t mean I gotta rot,
Or act the way society thinks I ought—
I’ve chosen to embrace my every shortcoming.

Yes, I’m a childlike wallflower, an oddity,
And what of it? I’m diligent, efficient too.
I do what must be done—and I do it true.
Adults gone joyless, that’s the true calamity.

I will go dance with the fae before work.
You do you. Live and let die. Mind your own.
My soul’s taken me to places none have known—
And that’s ’cause I’m shameless of my every quirk.

I’m a functional adult, an eternal child within,
Forever meant to be chaste in soul, pure in mind.
Nothing will pollute my true nature, nor will bind
Or minimize my desires, my will, to exist to fit in.

And the day I’m granted parenthood, I’ll teach

The one I’ll love and raise as part of me

That there’s no shame in being who you be—

So long as Balance is what you aim to reach.

The A-String

I won't change that broken string—

It's my dad's guitar; it's not mine.

What if I mess up? What if I can't?

Either way, without playing, I'm fine.

I can't get it right anyway, so it's no loss,

'Cause I don't want to make noise—though

They don't mind it; they encourage me,

But the voices' influence grows and grows.

That A-string—it snapped like my self-esteem,

Its soft silk threads as loose as my heart's,

Each strand a piece of what I wanted to be,

Of what I couldn't—of failure, piercing like darts.

I refused to be taught, 'cause I didn't want to pay,

Because I'd pay with money that is theirs, not mine.

Having good parents is a curse when you're a bad son,

It hurts to be loved when you're nothing but malign.

'Tis not the first time the voices deafen my reason—

Tried getting a job, to no avail; amplifying my pain.

How can I live if they stab my mind all the time,

When they scream, "You should die!" again and again?!

Set me free, free before I snap another string.

Mute them before I play with dynamite like Eddie did.

Silence their white noise before I say goodbye too…

Tentacles of guilt slithering within like a squid.

Okesa neko

Long ago, on her own lived a lovely woman,

In Sado Island, with her many cats and no man.

They loved her as much as she loved them all,

But one day, upon her, such poverty would fall.

The less money she had, the less they all ate,

So one by one, most cats left her to her fate—

Most, but one: the woman's favorite calico cat,

For whom she'd starve, to feed and head-pat.

Next day, it vanished, from that gloomy space;

The woman could only shed tears to her disgrace.

She went poor and lost it all, and now lost everyone—

She was old, and after them she'd not be able to run.

Suddenly the door swung open; a figure emerged

And introduced itself as the calico cat she’d raised.

Took a step forward, revealing an unmatched maiden,

And knelt to the woman showering her with affection.

She told her she’d repay the woman’s sacrifice

And suffering, through a plan she came to devise.

She asked her to introduce her to a certain Edo man,

Whom she knew scouted for girls all over Japan.

She revealed he’d want them so they’d become geisha,

And that she’d confidently be the best in all Asia.

The woman agreed, arranging so as soon as possible—

And when they three met, he agreed she was eligible.

The woman got paid a great sum of money immediately,

And bid her farewell, letting her walk away, quietly.

Months later, in Fukagawa, a geisha made her debut,

Took the name Okesa, and rose to fame quickly, true.

Her performances were jaw-dropping—she was skilled—

And in everybody, her charm she'd have instilled.

Soon they all would come visit her in the restaurant,

Where she’d sing and play whatever song she’d want.

One day, a captain came with his crew for a feast.

They all danced, and ate—till their energies ceased.

Next day, the cap’n would spot a geisha-dressed beast

Feeding on leftovers, and a big one to say the least.

She’d threaten him not to say a thing of this form—

Thing he did as they left the land, causing a storm,

From which would descend Okesa to punish the captain

Taking him with her up above for his sole bad action.

The winds struck the ship, with the sailors on it.

They begged to be spared, and she saw it fit,

For they’d sworn to never say a thing from there on.

Once the storm cleared, the captain was forever gone.

We have no idea where Okesa is nowadays—but surely,

She might be playing her shamisen, ever so securely.

Perhaps there at Sado, Fukagawa, maybe elsewhere...

She could be behind me, reading the words I declare.

 

Lover of the Moon

Who else can proudly say they're taken

By — and for — the chaste pale Moon,

Under vows that remain unshaken,

And to lustful temptations immune?

I may have sworn my heart to many mortals,

Believing oh so deeply we were meant to be,

When it was actually for One of the immortals,

Whose golden arrow marked me as Her devotee.

The Huntress who roams below Her is the One

Whom my ambrosia-soaked words search for,

As do the sunflowers for bright rays of Sun,

Since and beyond over-told tales of yore.

The Moon's Greek Huntress — she's my mistress,

The muse I might've sought to replace one time,

Before enlightening and dispelling my blindness,

When the deceitful peaks of love I aimed to climb.

Her bow shot right through fears I once had,

And she sang to me many an ancient lullaby;

She listened when I was struggling and sad,

And taught me the maiden's rules I'd live by.

I carry the crescent moon around my neck

As a sign of commitment to my bachelorhood,

Marching beyond any irrational spiritual trek —

For I belong to the Moon ladies' sisterhood.

Shrine Maiden (Reimu)

The Hakurei shrine maiden broomed peacefully
The wooden boards of the shrine she lived in,
And danced beneath the stars just as gracefully,

The moonlight tracing the paleness of her skin.

The swift maiden dodged some imaginary bullets,
Reminiscing on her frightful encounters with
All kinds of youkai, gods, and magicians alike—
The spellcard patterns, the grazing of pellets.

A red ribbon adorned her brown, silky hair,
And a red-and-white dress her slender body.
She wore these for as long as she recalled,
Whilst keeping Gensokyo safe for everybody.

She’s to watch over the barrier that divides
Our reality from the fantasy of their own,
As she solves the most bizarre incidents—
With a witch that never leaves her alone.

There was a time she used to fly on Genjii,
Her old, wise, yet reliable turtle familiar,
As she struck her foes with a yin-yang orb,
No matter who it was, or how devillier.

The citizens live in peace thanks to her duty,
Though monsters may sometimes cause them trouble.
Long-lived be she, the shrine maiden of Gensokyo—
Woman of unparalleled power, heart, and beauty.