JULY COMPILATION (01/07/25)

•  Corrupted "Love".
• I shouldn't be heard.
• Strategy Change.
  
  

  Corrupted “Love”

  
  

  Mistakes by tons I made — that much I know.
  I stalked her, seeking to uncover her mysteries,
  Forgetting I swore that we’d take it slow,
  That she alone should’ve shared these stories
  Of her own accord. Not by demand — I wronged her.

  
  

  I forgot she’s human too; I became a control freak.
  Perhaps I voiced it not, but I felt the urge.
  I stepped into her closet, thought myself sleek —
  Got my plans torn apart by will of the demiurge.
  She was right. I wasn’t worthy. I’ve proven so.

  
  

  If something went untold, she had her reason.
  Though truth be told, the fault here’s shared.
  We experienced true love for once this season,
  So it made sense that we were both scared.
  We’d found in each other what most never find.

  
  

  Like a phantom thief, I broke into her castle,
  Stole her heart — and curiosity led to more.
  I knew she was in pain, saw her soul’s hassle,
  And I made it my mission to heal her sore.
  If only I’d talked instead of playing the hero…

  
  

  In her palace I’ve been held captive.
  I haven’t escaped since I first stepped in.
  Is she distant because I’m unattractive?
  Maybe I’m unworthy of being her prince —
  In her cognitive world, I’m but a slave.

  
  

  I’ve tried breaking out, I swear…
  But I promised I’d never run away.
  Now we no longer seem to care,
  Because our love has gone astray.
  We’re both afraid of loneliness.

  
  

  That is why we’re still together —
  Because we fear that cold, dark cell
  Where silence rings louder than ever.
  But time has come. We’ll no longer dwell.
  I’ll go with the wind, as I should.

  
  

  No more poems will I write for her.
  I’ll ignore her, return the pain.
  If she wants, she’ll fix what we were —
  Otherwise, let my efforts be in vain.
  I shall wait for dawn… hopeless. Corrupted.

  
  

  I did what I did because she started—

  She ignored me each and every day,

  Returned for pampering, then departed…

  I was only wasting time that way.

  In the end, it was one-sided. Again.

  
  

  I shouldn’t be heard

  
  

  I’ve come to understand it at last,
  Our issue was lack of communication.
  It’s not that we moved too fast—
  But our openness privation.

  
  

  You tried your best, I got stuck,
  Clingy, needy, and hideous;
  Afraid you’d be by disgust struck,
  That you’d find me too fastidious.

  Though I am committed to “us,”
  I still feel I must hold back there.
  My true self we won’t discuss—
  This side of me is mine to bear.

  I’d text you every hour, but then, 

  Would you reply? Perhaps ignore me? 

  I want to do stuff together, but again, 

  An annoying roach I don’t wanna be.

  
  

  Love, if only you knew how I feel.
  You say: “open up,” “you can trust,”
  But the voices say you’ll feel disgust—
  So I shut my cognitive door with a seal.

  
  

  If I wear masks with you so often,

  Should we even try to be together?

  I’ll take these secrets to my coffin—

  I can’t trust anyone. Not now. Not ever.

  
  

  I’m here because I swore I would,

  Tho I don’t know how long I’ll stay.

  You’re someone I care for — and for good,

  I’d rather be just a friend. Come what may.

  Strategy change

  
  

  My neediness and clinginess I’ll conceal,
  I’ll hold it in, pretend that I’m alright.
  My pain and doubts remain mine to feel—
  I’ll pour them quietly into what I write.

  
  

  You won’t hear of my sadness or fear,
  I’ll act a part, a puppet on display.
  My truest self will slowly disappear,
  While you watch my hollow fade away.

  
  

  I’ll keep my distance, play pretend,
  Respond like some machine might do—
  Until we agree it’s time to end,
  Until we say goodbye, me and you.