NOV - DEC - JAN 2024 & 2025 COMPILATION (NSFW poems have been ciphered)

Post Preview:

• Bleaking.
• Touch-starved.
• Another Lonely Night.
• Desire While Starving.
• Shithead.
• Idealization of Feminine Nudity.
• Heart's Paranoia.
• The Loving Maiden
• Jealous?
• New Horizons.
• May I?
• Feeling Down?
• Shared Fantasy. (NSFW)
  
• Not a Poem.
• Shared Fantasy 2. (NSFW)
• Deaf and Evil.
• Alexythimia?
• Trust.
• "Heal, Love"
• The Threat of Uncertainty.
• Return of the Blue-eyed Fiend.
• Smile?
• To Lady Amel.
• Beyond These Walls.
• Akira the Koi.
• Cheating.
• Will You? (Side B).
• Sarah, My Dearest.
• A Last Apology To My First Love.
• Birth Of A Serial Killer.
  
  

 Bleaking

I wish I could,
All of a sudden, lose interest
In this longing for love as I usually would.

The emptiness consumes me,
My cognition slowly distorts itself,
Forever alone I wanna be.

My entire life for love I longed,
I’ve waited, been patient,
My heart’s imprisonment prolonged.

And all was for nothing,
I’ve loved an Ice Queen, and all remained the same,
Now I love a goddess uninterested in what I sing.

I shall escape the cycle of torture,
If I can’t feed my heart
I better let it starve and die like a vulture.

It shall be reborn one day,
But not before breaking and losing its colors,
Only then I’ll do what I may.

To be aromantic I desire
For exhausted of drowning in pain I am;
Without love, and warmth, my soul’s gotten drier.

I shall not pursue any mirages
I shall accept my ugliness, my hideousness,
I shall end this book of a thousand pages.

I hate not the lucky ones
Who get the hugs and kisses I don’t
I’m no incel, I’m the one the heaven shuns.

Never have I felt the affection of another
I’m the fiend fallen from noble skies
I’m the antithesis of a perfect lover.

Touch-starved

Stay away, don’t dare you draw near;
My heart is trapped, my mind unclear.
One touch, one glance, I’d start to crave
For another heart to share my grave.

If given, in love’s warmth, I’ll lose my will,
Demanding more, an unfillable thrill.
So leave me to fade in my own embrace,
Like a shadow, alone, leaving no trace.

Another Lonely Night

Every night I cry myself to sleep
And I can barely even breathe
As I fall into a despair so deep
Rooted in my longing for love; I seethe.

My limbs fall weak by my sides
My tears flow like waterfalls,
This pain never subsides,
I bear it as a tattoo in my soul's walls.

I might be losing my sanity,
Everything looks so bleak, so plain,
I can barely distinguish reality,
I want to fall asleep, never wake up again.

My longing for affection
Shall only be my ruin, and it's tough,
It can't end my starvation,
No amount of hugs might now be enough.

Desire while Starving

I desire to have in my arms
A girl that can love me and that I can love,
A girl I can pamper like a gentle dove.
Someone I can protect from all that harms.

I desire to kiss
The lips of a girl I can cherish each day,
Of a faithful girl that'd never go away,
Someone I can make laugh in bliss.

I desire to belong
To a girl that finds in me the self I left behind,
To a girl that fearlessly speaks her mind,
Someone that is both admirable and strong.

But where can I find her?
I am not interested in people, in majority,
And socializing is not my top priority,
Our reunion might as well never ocurr.

Why'd anyone be interested anyway?
I'm but a hideous beast
A man that inside is already deceased,
She'll never find me, there's no way.

I desire to brush the hair
Of a girl who's not blind to my flaws
Nor deaf to my agony and its cause,
Someone who I can serve to win her care.

It matters not where you are, my queen,
Someday our paths shall cross
And my mask you'll allow me to toss,
Someday I'll take you to heaven from the hell I'm in.

Fill my emptiness with your love
And I'll paint the skies for you,
Let us build a paradise for two,
Let us extend our kingdom to the clouds and above.

It matters not how you look,
You'll be always gorgeous to me in any way,
For your happiness I'll do what I may
In your name I'd write a thousand poems and a book.

Shithead

To pretend dominance
That is the goal of some men
Who are worth less than a yen;
They need to be above women
Their narcissism calls to it
So they don't drown in
A pool of their own sexist shit.

Some believe a no is a yes,
So on top of being brainless they're deaf
They believe to be cooking like a chef
Whilst in reality it's all delusion
A heavily distorted cognitive illusion.

"Dating coaches" grow like weeds
On the webs we frequent
Giving immoral "advice" and assessment,
Those are no men but toxic waste
In urgent need to be disgraced.

True men respect women
They protect, cherish, and aid
If situation calls for it, and does not degrade;
True men understand women as humans,
They shall not reduce them
To mere objects, eye candy, or an ATM.

Women shall not be seen as weak,
We shall lend a hand when necessary
Without ulterior motives to carry;
If it were your interest
To test the chemistry, make your move
But do nothing she might not approve.

Then again I'm no love wizard
Nor am I a poet or psychologist,
It's common sense though to put respect first,
Approach them with common sense
Follow not the advice of the "chad" and dense.

Idealization of Feminine Nudity

Though mostly through paintings alone,
When staring at the bare feminine body,
The closest thing to perfection we've ever known,
I can't help but behold it lustless
As it calls to my purest senses.

I can't help but desire to protect
That which seems vulnerable
That which seems so perfect;
To defile such expression is imponderable.

It does not limit to myself, I know,
Other men too see the feminine as divine,
As the most precious blessing given ages ago
By nature's own doing and design.

Yet some might call it simping when it's not;
To honor women and to attempt
To shield what is pure, is exempt
Of such degrading terminology,
Gentlemen are not mere mythology.

If given the chance I'd embrace
Her who lies in the nude
For no other reason than love, nothing lewd;
Or just appreciate from afar her grace,
Needless to say with her explicit consent,
Otherwise I'd be an evildoer, an indecent.

Back to the point though,
Nudity of the feminine awakens in me
Things I didn't know I could feel, I see,
In simple terms, beyond the exposure,
I try and easily keep my composure,
But as I write this down, I find not a word
Or words to describe said things.

Men too possess that beauty in them,
But that's a topic for another poem,
Humans are so biologically beautiful
That describing 'em here would turn out to be a handful.

Heart's Paranoia (Incomplete)

Do I not long for love?
Yes, I do, more than anything.
Then why am I against that idea brawling?
Do I not long to make a woman happy?
Yes, I do, more than anything.
Then why am I to self-hatred embracing?

Do I not long to be loved?
Yes, I do, but who'd ever love this beast?
Someone who doesn't care about looks in the least.
Do I not long to kiss my love?
Yes, I do, but nobody kisses a blobfish.
To be beautiful first is my greatest wish.

Doesn't your goddess love you?
I'm but a lowly man, how would she?
I've nothing to give other than love as her devotee.
Don't you have the skill to steal hearts?
I don't, insecure men get no love,
I'm no poet nor an angel from heavens above.

Why do you write?
To vent, to understand, to discover myself,
To meet what lies behind my masked self.
I've switched masks so often that
I remember not where mine might be at.

And yet, do I not persist?
Yes, I do, though the echoes mock.
I tread paths where shadows jeer and talk.
Do I not dare to dream?
Yes, I do, though the mirror may deceive,
In its fractured truths, I still believe.

Do I not deserve the sun?
Yes, I do, though doubts cast clouds,
The warmth of hope breaks through their shrouds.
Do I not long to heal?
Yes, I do, with pen in hand,
I’ll weave a life I understand.

For every tear, a seed is sown,
In soil tilled by fears I've known.
Though paranoia stakes its claim,
I’ll rise anew, unbound, untamed.

The Loving Maiden

Upon ashes of a fierce flame
Lied another victim of love’s game,
Crushed by it died he
Who longed from loneliness be free.

Barren wastelands within
Knew a new cycle would begin,
Lied the poet miserable upon
Remnants of a love long gone.

Inkless was his pen
For he used it all back then
When love poems he wrote
To his lady from lands remote.

He fed her his entire being,
Yet her indifference he wasn’t seeing,
Once dry, he was thrown aside,
Neglected, as his essence dried.

Half a year later he'd meet
Who'd make his heart skip a beat;
After months of crippling solitude
Appeared a woman with a peculiar attitude.

The first approach was online
As they sent letters to the world's confine;
Parallels they've found in their bleak lives,
Their Issues, and all that from it derives.

Brave was the girl as she asked
The poet to date her, things were going fast.
The chemistry was undeniable
But his trust issues saw her as unreliable.

If not for the mention of Artemis,
And the girl being a follower of his miss,
He'd have outright refused out of fear,
He did step forward thus and was sincere.

He told her about his worst side,
That he was but a hideous monster he implied;
And as he told her of his flaws and wrongs,
She showed him that for which he longs.

She saw earlier through the words mist
And refused to see him as a beast.
She saw the poet and wanted him
That's why she confessed on a whim.

He saw the sincerity in her heart,
And willingly succumbed to Love's dart.
But little did he know about
The looks of his lover devout.

At the early hours of a new day,
A videocall would take place to his dismay.
He was nervous and so insecure
Yet desired to see her, that was for sure.

To fulfill her request, he called,
As fear on his back slowly crawled.
And when he saw her, he was taken aback,
And for a moment from time he lost track.

She had such beautiful face,
Her eyes fluttered with such grace,
And Heart-melting was her smile
That made it all even more worthwhile.

There was more that kept his heart tingling,
Her eyes were dark and dazzling,
N’ so were her smooth hair & night-blessed skin,
She was gorgeous, he couldn't help but grin.

If he was smitten before,
He was so now even more;
Unexpectedly he got praised too
As she also enjoyed the view.

By his dream girl he was loved,
He was someone's spoiled beloved,
She made him feel so special
He forgot he saw himself as abominable.

No women could compare,
She was a treasure so rare.
She also was so smart and funny
And as sweet as honey.

Her voice could soothe him to sleep,
Her lips called for a kiss loving and deep.
They know time will allow them both
To live forever together and to troth.

Nothing similar has he felt ever,
She was the one he'd love forever,
He recognized his soulmate,
And so did she, it was fate.

Only time will confirm that,
Their best they'll do where they are now at
So they can enjoy a tomorrow
Away from all the pain and sorrow.

 

Jealous?

I'm jealous, of the water drops
That your curves caress,
And of the soap bubble, no less,
That at your touch pops.

Gracefully they run down
Your beautiful and flawless skin,
And witness your gentle grin,
As the soap makes its way around.

The towel then has its chance,
Dries you up, a unique privilege,
And beholds your graceful dance
As you clean the bathtub's spillage.

Oh, but may I be confused,
Why'd I be jealous of things,
Of objects to be used,
When to me your heart clings?

Shall I cast aside this thought,
For what they see is fleeting, brief,
While I'm gifted what cannot be bought—
Your love, your touch, my sweet relief.

Their moments fade, their purpose done,
While I remain, your chosen one.
Of these thoughts I'll have none,
In the game of life we've both won.

New Horizons

At the exile of the all-consuming darkness
Your light has accompanied me,
I forbid my heart to see
As to escape the madness
To which I’ve succumbed.

Through distance
You gave me the love I longed for,
Your genuineness left me yearning for more;
Futile was my vehement resistance
I wanted that which awoke my heart numbed.

To date, you fearlessly suggested,
Blind to my appearance were you,
Through my mask you saw through,
“I’m a hideous beast!” I protested,
And not even that got you bummed.

I recall holding your delicate hands,
As I accepted you in my heart,
Fearful I chose again to take part.
To venture into love’s uncharted lands.
Doubtful I still am, though.

All shall be revealed eventually,
If we both have chosen well
Only time should and will tell,
At the time our love grows exponentially,
Let us go carefully and slow.

May I?

Aligned is all, privacy I have at last,
May I call you? May I see you?
That smile to see it I desire, I really do,
May I behold again your beauty unsurpassed?

Home alone I am,
No interruptions shall there be,
May I see Her who longs for me?
Your mesmerizing eyes, may I see them?

Lustful attraction I won’t be denyin’,
I long for an innocent love, yes,
But I might as well open up and confess,
I desire to explore and worship your bare skin.

May I call you? Share my dreams with you?
For hours your voice resounds within me,
Your presence lies in everything I see,
You became the goddess I now pursue.

One day the calls will turn into conversations
That we’ll have as on the streets we roam
Before heading back to our cozy home,
There might be, then, no more limitations.

Feeling down?

Feeling down again?
Come rest into my arms then.
Tell me, what worries you?
Virtually there’s only so much I can do.

I can lend you a pair of ears
So you can tell me about your fears.
Or even a pair of eyes
If in them you find calm blue skies.

I can whisper sweet nothings
If they serve you as uplifting wings,
Or let my poems act in my behalf
If I’m unable to give comfort and a good laugh.

Alone you’ll never be again
For as long as I hold this pen,
For as long as our story gets written
And with you I remain smitten.

My love is unconditional,
This pain will be transitional;
Hold my virtual hands today
And trust that everything will be okay.

You are allowed to cry,
To show weakness be not shy;
You may filterless vent,
Attentively I’ll listen to your inner torment.

Complain, let it all out,
Feel no doubt, I mind not if you shout;
I will do my best to be of assistance,
And I’ll kiss you through the distance.

Is the weight of it too much to bear, my princess?
I wrote this poem for your catharsis,
It’ll be as timeless as us two,
Meant to restore your heart anew.

Shared Fantasy (NSFW)

lgz xvl dkhj qeck gqotqatmr lvfp,
zrknnvfl pb cskj omwg a ydvfp,
susy e vefcvfj qf vteay bdrf
qqfl keydx puw fee gk khj iaa.

kt pb lfir qtqe tznaasc uwfng,
a unbbjygwi orp fo nf fng,
mshrsxdvfl ivfj ob hznr,
a bnblj ubm f lbwr puax inlznr.

gzn nuy ousqh owlea kqkj,
onpu gzn nxkaplnka kywejnjt lma fzts.
sgw ubmw ibmyd, v’v keeky cb,
sqhbonjt vjovjj pb ywkj.

ed dnfio gzjj jgzhq
ufnrkx suwwa vl kardx cbgi:
kaw wqak knbe dkhj ykekt qcofnqk,
ydr gydrj knbe dkhj meck ikjfbwevx.

ea kdjp, otqyv tqe ltjtmjo
qssyr lnhy oj azhyerv tqe dzjtk.
ba’q kmeiww, bndqeay njgg f pessyr,
sx pbofnq lma owi sr’v fzissyr.

gzn ogierk bkhdi irwy puw rwglwafk,
fjq lmaa oj’z neuhvxd puw rwqfjof.
ed alwx, dhflnl, otqyv qkpc begz dkhjx,
wf ed nvymp ussz owqkj wclygwaf.

kqkjdd, e’q etrr xwkz cnofwx ka qtqe dnlf
lt prsxeay ikjf dkhj hdrky wav seck.
pefknjt, a’i incj il ofu qgbj lgzn uauo,
nk gu vfxpvfhp, lgzn ogiu twspyq xpeauo.

lgzn salqew n’z nvtnr,
sx ubm fox xtn zgwa nfi ibjj.
ubmw pualdf a’i prsxa
hfyey qtq’ew banc fp gzj gawjo.

lgzn jwfg fhtp v’v rarl,
yqefnjt mu puw manl.
laalqu, v’v qepc fjq cnof,
mspvd np ojnjtk dkh tqefk.

tjpw dkhj hhvl kardx lywforv,
fjq qtqe ttzl ax wg wfor,
a’i xr sqhbojz gg unbujaq
ssz smqbvdq ubmw aiwwu awjz.

lwy puw ywyw jjqk skg zjnr—
a gagljn zspa gzfp pdjwe.
lmef ofo omy bbjjlysd,
wa asprfy pb gzn ssspnkd lbjynnq. 

Not a Poem

In my bedroom I hide
To write about my soul’s side
That remained a secret from all
For as far as I recall.

To my madness relieve
Strings of words I weave,
Some rhyme, some not
I make them on the spot.

Hollow nonsense I write
Holding my pen tight,
Letting my Self pour
Into verses so poor.

With words true poets paint
Many stories without constraint,
While I just let bleed out my pain
Into poems that no essence contain.

Emotions I emulate for
Numb is my being’s core,
I feel with my head
While my heart, my heart is dead.

I think therefore I feel,
Tis sounds indeed unreal,
Being empty is a curse,
A cancer only getting worse.

The book that I once wrote,
Can and will only denote
The insane groovy tune
Played on my every wound.

Shared Fantasy 2 (NSFW)

jayd sgwacdfu qgsa
nfi hbnj ougbj,
gara jsx eg lt dnnj bhf
gaawfpu lma fwypvfl ohf.

xhboqu v’v qag ed qchjn tswirfyo ssqh,
ag sarv yk emxd, ag sarv yk flfhy.
lmaa ed lnfyo jgzhq a zjmau
wav yanknjtdd hrl ji’ fdnl.

zgwa xaxork ba jgzhq kmwew,
yeyd nj ygaa jw baew metz
fjq ft hbflae ojnr oj ouq
yk ywy cb gk khj zjqwwsrsw.

ubm’i grwu w galdg ywec
sx bbjbwevx e zgaaq ed dvh,
iefutisgwp lgz’z usaa swqp
owkkew nj cdjwfmwa lgz’z zwqp.

rnjnl yjjgdj pujzog otqyv ga
naraq lt lywfor qtqe msonai lywf,
ynjjofasc lgzn ogiu jgzhq a
jjfmwa lgz crl ru ygaa vk sk yaj.

pvdq pb ed pbmhd lgz ohuhqzt
dkhj seck n’z pswafk begz ru gzziok,
dkh’v gegw ikjf dkhj qec
sx zbos pb qtqe uqeg lmal kqec.

gs pbh tb zw xkbf dkh’v ga,
gspeay hkalwky gk ubmw zrntprw,
ieiasa jgzhq tj puw xetzy
wf qtqe asovvjo fizarrj pvymp.

fwcu jgzhq tj ubmw cyssyr
sx ubm'i xbmsyr as w gjfjpw
rwxasc bmw dvhx ozgtpudd irwy
pb lma ezdpue tb bmw drswpowfp.

gara jgzhq kznrdd byq,
fo jw ynl ktir htovlnkak tqg,
qjp jw’i aabtu vl, sk qgzxg,
mspvd tqe kywzasw emso qjd.

hvcj pvvj pusy dvlx puw ganum
khj hhveft jw’i aiwsphsqhl jjwpz,
ydhk ba’q uzzqdj bbj ydr fncul
gnvfleay tqe ttjq lt w awb draldg.

Deaf and Evil

You are mistaken
And hear whatever you want,
A fiend in me you awaken
And expect me to act nonchalant
When my words you twist
To fit your very own narrative,
I can only bark and clench my fist.

Tergiversating every detail
You get me to be the bad guy
In your every damn tale
My actual words you deny.
You are deaf and evil,
Oh you truly are cruel
The trigger of this upheaval.

Alexythimia?

Unable I am to feel,
I know it sounds unreal,
But such is the truth
That haunted my youth.

Feelings I emulate
In my heart so desolate,
I feel no joy in my meal
Nor in people sexual appeal.

I understand pain,
Grief, sadness, and disdain.
Yet not love, joy, or lust
For they cause me disgust.

Romance I greatly despise
To experience it my heart denies,
Such themes I always avoid
No media on it I ever enjoyed.

A convincing acting I can pull
But I'll never feel my heart full,
No matter how hard I try
I can't feel, I don't know why.

Sorry I am for those
That to me are close
Blindly believing that I
Am genuinely a loving guy.

Trust

Once my trust's been betrayed
Into nothingness our bond will fade,
I'll slash you through with a blade
And leave you to rot in the shade.

Liars unleash the fiend me,
And provoke me to such degree
That my insanity I set free
And from utter fear they pee.

Deceive me not, be no fool,
For I can be inhumanely cruel
The very moment I lose my cool,
Try honesty or my anger you’ll fuel.

Heal Love

A really long time has it been
Since I felt shivers on my skin,
Her soul cried out to my heart
As she longed from a past depart.

A fool betrayed her trust
With an act of great disgust,
Selflessly she gave him everything
Just to be left with a heart aching.

Dreams of a bridal dress
Shattered down, made a mess,
And a woman was left to bleed
Barely knowing how to proceed.

Randomly, I recall we met
In the cyber-world, the net;
Faceless shadows were we
Watering flowers stuck on debris.

We've discussed philosophies,
Hobbies, and life's catastrophes,
And slowly we became more fond
Of nurturing our newfound bond.

I gave her some space to vent
Hoping to ease her torment;
And such was our hearts connection
That they began to share affection.

Her sorrow we were halving
As a good time we were having,
Recycling the shadows within
Brought back her precious grin.

To see her I need not
To know that she's hot,
Only took me some compassion
To reignite her soul full of passion.

But don't get me wrong,
She's on her own very strong,
A blue prince she needed not,
I just undid her noose's knot.

But how I wish the red thread
Pulls us together out of bed,
And clearly confirms to us
That we're soulmates thus.

She might heal first though,
We will try and take it slow,
For even if I love her a ton
Her inner battle she's yet not won.

Ah, my dear crush from overseas,
Our permanence nothing guarantees,
So I blame you not if you just go
Reciprocating not the love I show.

There's much to do before
You open to me your heart's door.
Only after the ruins you've traversed
Of utter joy I'll be able to make it burst.

Reach out to me nonetheless
If you need to feel my gentle caress,
And read me, pinoy woman, please
When life makes you don't feel at ease.

Yours always, Quinn Nick,
He who in love fell so sick
And blindly bet on you
Hoping your cognition renew.

The threat of uncertainty

Though we're said to share one heart
It feels like we are slowly drifting apart,
There's no more topics we can talk about
And all that is left lying there is doubt.

Can we really continue down this path
Have we really done right the math,
Will we actually reach our goals together
If we're both drowning under the weather.

I can feel the flame's power fading away
I'm afraid our love might eventually decay,
My hopes are slowly turning into despair,
Perhaps I broke your heart beyond repair?

Did all the times I gave up on us somehow
Get to strike and weaken our eternal vow?
Love, I apologize thus, for I was just blind
By all sorts of thoughts I deemed unkind.

Never before have I experienced this
A love that's true, so hear me o' my miss,
I shall never surrender again to the pain
I promise you our own heaven we'll attain

I shall never kneel before the fiend
That my trust and faith in us demeaned,
Our love will be the holy sword that cuts
Through the evil and darkness to its guts.

Return of the Blue-eyed fiend

Daily I stare into these eyes
That I so greatly despise,
Daily I see the rounded shape
Of the face I try to escape.

The chubbiness, I hate it,
Desiring to be buff and fit.
Instead I deal with this
Feeling the opposite of bliss.

My hands are too big,
Like the hooves of a pig.
The blue-eyed fiend I see
Seems to be none other but me.

Many times I tried to kill him,
I tried to cut his every limb.
Yet he stopped me, clearly,
He is a coward, sincerely.

He bled, he screamed,
He choked, he squirmed.
But I am him, he is me,
At least to some degree.

His face’s skin is scarred,
It's disgustingly marred.
I want him to rot away
I want his head on a tray.

But I am him, he is me,
At least to some degree.
I'll spare him once even if
I feel like pushing him off a cliff.

Smile?

I never smile, and that's because
My mouth has many flaws,
My lips are damaged, stained;
My teeth crooked, unmaintained.

My lips, hideous and full,
My chubby cheeks are vile,
I look like a goddamn fool,
And you expect me to smile?!

When staring into the mirror,
I feel a surge of violent rage;
Before insanity draws nearer,
I'll hide this goblin in a cage.

"I hate you!", loudly I scream,
To this demon I daily see,
This ain't no nightmarish dream,
That numb dumb beast is me.

To Lady Amel

She's the young lady I sing for,
Though we're not in the middle ages.
She's in my book whom I adore
And write about in my best pages.

 
A poem for a French belle,
From her bard and newest devotee.
She was once a forgotten pen-pal,
Till her kind heart remembered me.
 

It would be selfish not to praise
The one who captivates my soul,
For few like her brighten our days,
And now you'll understand my goal.
 

Her soul, a vast and endless space,
Holds dreams no bounds could ever claim.
As a teacher, she seeks to grace
A world still weeping in its shame.
 

But she's a flower yet to bloom,
Her strength lies waiting to unfold.
I hope my words can lift the gloom
And help her stand steadfast and bold.
 

In this world, she holds her place,
A masterpiece beyond compare.
Aphrodite shaped her grace,
And left me lost within her snare.
 

To me, she is a work of art,
A painting, poem, and novel too.
No copy could replace her heart,
She owns the fabled glass shoe.
 

Though strong, I long to wield a sword,
To guard her dreams and clear her way.
For Lady Amel, my Queen adored,
All hail the one who lights my day.

Beyond These Walls

The conflicts are consuming me
And clearly I can no longer see,
A slave of chaos I don't wanna be,
What I desire now is to be free...

I believe beyond these walls
There lies a world that calls,
I believe I now have the balls
To face the demons in my halls.

I've always been just a wallflower
From socializing I would cower,
My life's been ever since so sour
Because I doubted I had the power...

But now I see... Beyond these walls
There lies a beautiful world that calls,
And I am confident I have the balls
To slay the demons hiding in the halls.

I'm going to leave this goddamn room
Won't surrender to my self-imposed doom,
The flower of hope I'll allow to bloom
All around my shut-in old-self tomb.

Because now I'm past these walls
Walking in the pretty world that calls,
I now shall remain strong, for I had the balls
To leave behind the demons arguing in the halls.

 

Akira the Koi

Against the riverstream he’ll strive to swim,
Characterized always by his own whim.
‘Tis indeed a task few koi have braved alone,
Though all long for their roar to be known.

If the top of the waterfall he does reach,
In wisdom, he’ll grow rich beyond speech.
Such must be the reward for the tough
Beings whose ephemeral lives are rough.

The gods, all Akira’s efforts will see,
And like a true dragon, he’ll come to be.
If to his own darkness he succumbs not,
When shadows strike his weakest spot.

Rise, koi, to the top—claim your power,
And let it rain from your hard-won tower.
Let none take away your mighty dream;
Show the world who rules supreme. 

Cheating

To cheat is certainly no delight,
To betray another? A cruel blight.
So for the sake of all, take heed,
Avoid the path of selfish greed.

Think of this, my dear friend:
Would you wish your children to contend
With such pain, such deep despair?
No, you'd wish them peace and care.

You'd never want them mere toys
To some heartless woman or man’s ploys.
So be no cheater—heed this plea,
Imagine the lives it shatters, you'll see.

I understand you have your own desires,
But whims don't justify lighting false fires.
Think of the wounds your lies could leave,
Would you want your own heart deceived?

Your words and actions carry weight,
Like soaring birds or crushing fate.
They can heal or harm, uplift or destroy,
Choose wisely—don't treat love as a toy.

May all cheaters reap what they sow,
Haunted by guilt wherever they go.
Their deeds a curse, their joy consumed,
Till justice finds them, their lives entombed.

Will You? (Side B)

Impatiently I meditate and wait
To ask if you'll be my girlfriend,
If you'd want us to share one fate,
Or just remain each other's best friend.

My fear of being so easily replaced
Clashes with my longing to ask,
For with beauty I've not been graced,
And online, we all wear a mask.

Also distance can make or break
What we've tried so hard to build;
I truly desire to make no mistake
And live a love life in lies instilled.

Another issue to address is that
I got nothing to offer, just love,
I'm faithful yet really ugly and fat,
Caring, yet a dumbass you can't belove.

You'll get tired of me so soon,
That I know, on that I dare bet,
I am but a silly and hideous buffoon,
And you are a goddess I can't get.

You're so out of my reach
I'd understand if you said no,
I'd not need an entire speech,
I'd just take my heart and go.

There's no way I could ever fit
In the throne your heart saves,
Yer affection I'm meant not to get
Even if my whole soul for it craves.

Some are born to touch the sky,
Others watch the stars instead;
I will love you till I die,
Even if my words go left unsaid.

Sarah, My Dearest

I love this girl so much
Like her there's nonesuch,
Her figure is certainly perfect,
And I mean this with respect,
She is a true Malaysian belle,
With a charming grin as well
As gorgeous eyes that I so love.

So sweet and caring she's also
Her words hit like an adagio
To my poor captivated heart
Who sees her like pure art,
This masterpiece of a girl
Is to me like a precious pearl,
I'll cherish and pamper her forevermore.

We're still getting to know, tho,
Each other's strengths and so,
We're unraveling the obstacles
That come with such miracles,
Our dear long-distance romance
To succeed might have a chance,
If we remain determined and committed.

A Last Apology To My First Love

Before our bond fades away,
I write my final apology to you.
I'm truly sorry for that one day
When all we built, I asked to undo.

My doubts consumed me whole,
A fear I could not subdue—
Convinced I was unworthy,
Convinced you'd seek someone new.

Day by day, our bond grew weak,
Or so I thought—I felt unloved.
Yet it was I who chose to leave,
Not the one I called beloved.

I regret the way I ran,
So selfish, blind, afraid—
Still, you linger in my mind,
For our bond has not decayed.

I know our chapter’s reached its end,
But Dianne, I cherish you still.
The flame has yet to fully dim,
So rest here when life turns uphill.

Perhaps we’ll meet as friends once more,
Or simply drift apart in time,
But know I long to make amends—
Losing you still feels like a crime.

I promise never to walk away;
I failed you more than once before,
But I have changed—I swear, I’ve grown.
Let me atone, forevermore.

Birth Of  A Serial Killer

They spend their days just arguing,
And waste their breath on prattling.
I don’t know why they keep battling—
To me, it’s nothing but dumb babbling.

So many couples I have seen,
Treating each other like foes obscene,
Hurling insults, cursing loud,
Dueling beneath their toxic cloud.

I get it—it might lead to peace,
But keep it far from where I breathe.
Your voices clash, a piercing sound,
Like nails on bone, they drag me down.

I feel so anxious, so enraged,
So mad, deranged, and disengaged.
Take it away, I beg, I swear—
Your petty woes aren’t mine to bear.

Just shut your mouths, just go away,
Before my mind starts to decay.
Before the madness spills the cup,
Before my fury eats you up.

I had enough of this at home,
So now, bloodthirsty, I just roam,
Seeking peace in hollow halls,
Where silence soothes, where quiet calls.

And if one dares disturb my rest,
I’ll carve their words right from their chest.
Their tongue, a useless, lifeless thing,
As from a tree, they’ll gently swing.